A Dominant's Guide to Messaging Your Sub Commands That'll Have Them Crawling Back for More

Do you want to experiment with submission and dominance dynamics but are unsure how to begin?  Consider sexting!

Is the brain the most exciting organ for sex? Sexting and BDSM chat proponents believe so.

Among other aspects, sexuality is diverse and intricate. Not everyone is a good fit for behaviors like bondage, dominance, sadomasochism, or submission. Even those who find these things intriguing might not give them a try because of embarrassment, anxiety, a lack of a willing partner, or a general lack of confidence.

That won't work, in our opinion, at Kinkly. You should explore any consensual action that interests you with an adult companion who shares your curiosity.

The amount of experimenting that can take place is one way that BDSM texting can be different from in-person interactions. Exploration can be more expansive and less constrained when the physical constraints are removed, which may facilitate the beginning process for inquisitive beginners.

"Timothy," a Kentucky-based straight cis guy, clarifies:

"The greatest way to expose me to that world was through an online D/s relationship... I don't think I would have been able to experience a whole new set of delightful feelings in person if I hadn't let go and let someone else take charge."

Why do people like BDSM? 

An explanation from a guy BDSM enthusiast:

For me, kink—and particularly BDSM—is similar to seeing a scary movie or visiting a haunted home. You experience a catharsis that is uncommon in daily life. Even when something severe or unpleasant happens, a tiny voice in your mind constantly reminds you that you are not in danger. You relax and give it your all. 

Isn't BDSM dangerous? 

Activities related to dominant/submissive play, such as bondage and spankings, can be fantastic. Giving up or taking charge can be great if you have the proper partner and communicate well. However, delivering or receiving instructions, spreader bars, gags, and restraints may be harmful, particularly for inexperienced individuals who haven't taken the time to understand the fundamentals of safety.

BDSM talking is an excellent next step if you want to try something new without delving deeply into spanking safety 101, knowing how to make a Japanese knot, or comprehending the human circulatory system to tie someone up safely!

BDSM chat? How is that even possible?

The type of phonesex that requires more thumbs is called sexting, short for sexy texting. If you enjoy sending brief audio files, pictures, and texts, you can do so with chat software. We'll concentrate on conversation for the time being, but more experienced BDSM fans may also use video.

An enjoyable approach to have a closer look at BDSM culture in the short term is to participate in anonymous BDSM conversation, which is possible on some BDSM chat websites. Regardless of the BDSM chat rooms you use, be sure you are aware of the risks involved. Stay safe on the road!

It's critical to keep in mind that effective BDSM practices necessitate close partner communication. A key component of safe, effective BDSM practice is establishing and upholding limits. Even while a chat doesn't pose the same risks to one's health as a face-to-face interaction, the emotions remain. Direct communication and honesty are crucial.

How do I get started with BDSM chatting? 

The ideal course of action, if you're new to an anonymous BDSM chatroom, is to lurk or read without commenting until you're at ease enough to contribute. It's also acceptable if all you want to do is observe. An essential component of BDSM play is being aware of your comfort level.

First, discuss likes, dislikes, and boundaries. Some people find derogatory language incredibly attractive, but when it is directed toward someone who doesn't want it, it's going to be a terrible experience for everyone. Decide who will be the Dom and the sub and when any changeover will occur.

Both sides must be as explicit as possible about their goals and boundaries. It's crucial to talk about acceptable language, whether or not audio or video should be communicated or used, what situations are completely off-limits, and anything else significant to you. Remember that you should only submit sexually suggestive images with permission. The majority of people don't like unsolicited, random, sexual images.

Choose a safe word in the same way as you would in a face-to-face BDSM situation. It's better to have this conversation outside the bedroom or playroom when everyone is still dressed, even if you're not in the same room. Why? Decision-making is negatively impacted by sexual excitement, according to scientific research. Hard limits and explicit knowledge of when a scene should be stopped must be discussed in the conversation that comes before any BDSM talk or plays.

Kayla Lords, co-host of the Loving BDSM podcast, highlights this topic by explaining that BDSM chat has some restrictions that face-to-face interactions might not.

"The most challenging aspect of sexting is figuring out your partner's tone, mainly if you have never spoken outside of text. It's too simple for someone to misread a message and have two entirely different discussions without realizing it. This is when communication, the most crucial aspect of kink, enters the picture.

Ask your partner to explain if you're unsure of what they mean. Yes, it may cause you to lose your kinky state of mind at that moment. However, it enables you to return there and prolong that beautiful kinky experience in the future.

What if I don't know if I'm a Dom, sub, or switch? 

The proverbial "can of worms" is that. You may already have a sense of what it is about BDSM and D/s play that excites you, but the only way to be sure is to learn more about it and, if it feels right, try it.

D/s sexting may never go past your phone's screen or serve as a prelude to an in-person meeting. Once a solid connection is established, a long-distance, long-term BDSM relationship can be incredibly fulfilling. For some practitioners, part of the fun and kink is not being able to touch or be touched by your partner. A BDSM chat relationship is ideal if that's the case.

What... What am I supposed to say?

I write about sex for a living. However, I find that BDSM conversations can occasionally make me feel uncomfortable, mainly when I'm with a new buddy. Before asking a guy if he wants to get spanked or if his penis has ever been in a cage, I usually start by talking to him about other topics, like politics, music, or movies, to get to know him.

You have a lot of choices after you and your partner have worked out certain specifics.

BDSM chats often revolve around commands. These may include:

• Instructions on garments or getting naked. "I'm taking off my pants," or "I want you to undress for me."
• Recite rules and punishments decided in previous discussions.  
• Jerk-Off Instructions (AKA: JOI). Giving precise instructions on how to caress someone's penis. Begging, counting, reprimanding, edging, or denying orgasm are some examples of this. My friend on chat loves to be told exactly how many fingers he can use, how many strokes he can use, and that he can't orgasm until Mistress gives the all-clear.
• Timed commands. Requiring a text, picture, etc., at predetermined times or intervals, along with penalties for noncompliance. "At exactly 4:02 p.m., I want to see those tits."
• Pointedly ignoring texts. I'll disregard you so much, as Mistress Zoe Noir declared, that you'll begin to question your existence. Beautiful!
• If there's mutual masturbation afoot, The chat might benefit from those descriptions. Wearable vibrators or vibrating cock rings that give you a physical feeling without requiring your hands can be a terrific option right now.
• Speaking of wearables, It can be entertaining to be "forced" to wear a butt plug or a panty vibrator in a D/s relationship.  

Only you and your lover can establish the boundaries of your BDSM text exchanges. Establish your limits and go for it if you're like consensual non-consent. You can incorporate almost anything you can think of into your scenario, including Daddy/Mommy kinks, brat taming, acts of service, tie-ups, "honor bondage" (when a sub is on their honor to remain motionless without the use of physical restraints), tickling, and spanking/whips.

We just concluded a fantastic BDSM chat — now what?

"Aftercare" refers to the actions we take to make sure our partner feels secure and at ease following a BDSM chat session. Each partner and situation will require a different type of aftercare. After receiving a D/s, some people prefer to receive praise or affirmation. Some people like solitude. Whether your sub feels valued and cared for or cheap and used, a single emoji can make all the difference. It's up to you both to decide, but it should always be a conscious decision motivated by your desire to win your spouse over.

Before you start getting into any heated arguments, you and your D/S-talking pal can talk about aftercare. Find out what your partner needs, but don't be shocked if they don't know. If D/S chatting is new to you, determining your requirements may take a few attempts. For my part, I like to reiterate how much we both love one another.

Now that you have all the information you need to start, talk! Above all, enjoy yourself while staying safe.