A First Timer's Guide to Anal Sex

Patience, preparation, and communication are essential for novices in anal sex. And Lube, too. Lube, lots and plenty of it.

You have undoubtedly heard of anal sex if you have been a Kinkly reader for some time. There is a ton of orgasmic fun to be had with the butt because it is so full of nerves (and some people even have a prostate!).

But "hearing" is not the same as "trying," and even if someone is otherwise interested, they may put off having anal sex for a variety of reasons. In addition to being fraught with taboos and misunderstandings, the field is far more complex than other forms of sex.

Consider oral sex as an example. Oral is as easy as "putting your mouth on your genitalia." "You got it!" It won't hurt, but it might not be the best oral sex you've ever experienced. There are undoubtedly more processes involved in anal intercourse than that!

For the first time, I'm here to explain anal sex and make it more approachable. Anal intercourse doesn't have to be intimidating or seem like this strange, unapproachable thing you've never experienced.

After discussing what anal sex is (and isn't) and going over a straightforward, step-by-step method for making it enjoyable, I'll give you some advice to help you further your investigation into anal play.

Anal Sex Myths:

Let's dispel some fallacies about anal sex first. These are a few of the most widespread myths regarding anal intercourse.

Myth: Anal Sex Has to Hurt

Big myth #1: anal sex hurts. Anal intercourse doesn't have to be painful. People who rush into or perform anal sex poorly are the ones who give it its reputation as a semi-painful action. As previously stated, there are more "steps" involved in anal intercourse than in other forms of sexual activity. This indicates that some individuals attempt to approach anal intercourse in the same "one and done" manner as they have approached other forms of sexual activity. That may cause a lot of pain.

Anal pain doesn't hurt at all if you've stretched softly, your body is prepared for the size you're trying to take, you're relaxed, and you've used a lot of lubrication. Stretching sensations are experienced; if you own a vulva, this is similar to the stretching sensation experienced while vaginally using an extra-large toy.

However, severe, mild, radiating, or other types of pain are not necessary for anal intercourse. All you need is time, patience, and getting to know your body; it may be painless!

You can anticipate some stiffness the next day if you get really into it, but I believe that's common with a lot of rough sex.

Myth: Anal Sex Makes You Gay

Oh, this delightful bit of nonsense is the result of the union of toxic masculinity and homophobia.

No, cis males are not gay. They have anal sex, any more than they are gay, because they jerk off their dick. (They're touching a dick, after all!)

However, believing that it doesn't make you homosexual and being told that it doesn't make you gay are two different things. I can assure you that it won't make you gay until I'm blue in the face, but if that's your perspective, you'll keep thinking that way.

I can assure you that anal feelings do not affect whatsoever on the person you are attracted to, but that's the only magical thing I can say to make you change your view. Before you pursue your interest in anal sex, I would advise you to spend more time in a sex-positive community (such as this one on Kinkly!) to become acquainted with the notion that anal sex is an everyday sexual activity.

After engaging in sexual activity, no one wants to feel guilty or frustrated about what they did.

The concept of anal sex is still very novel to many people, and many have never had candid conversations about it. It can help normalize your interests and sentiments in a way that reassures you that everything is completely normal—and fantastic—when you constantly see those candid, open conversations right in front of you.

Myth: You Can Go From Absolute Beginner to Anal Intercourse In One Day

There is very little chance that you will be able to engage in anal intercourse on the receiver's first day of anal pleasure. Why? The typical human penis has a diameter of 1.5". Although it may not seem like much, it is pretty significant in comparison to many of the things that occur around the anus.

The likelihood that you will go from "zero to intercourse" drastically decreases when you consider that most persons who are new to anal will be anxious and still get used to the latest, sometimes strange, feelings.

Before attempting anal intercourse, the majority of people discover that they require at least a week or two of anal play with fingers or anal toys. Some need months. This provides them time to learn how to interpret their own body's signals for too much, too little, and everything in between, in addition to allowing them to become accustomed to processing new sensations (anal can feel strange at first!). Over time, this leads to improved sex communication.

On the first day, don't expect to have anal intercourse. Instead, think of your path to anal sex as precisely that—a path that involves several days and numerous moments of pleasure.

Nevertheless, some people discover that their bodies stretch and relax more readily than others.

However, you shouldn't count on your body to be among them. Grand if it is! To make anal intercourse—eventually—something that's on the table, schedule some anal stretching or training in advance.

Anal Sex Facts:

Let's now discuss some other facts regarding anal intercourse.

Fact: There Might be Poop

There may be poop, let's face it. I don't mention this to discourage you but rather to avoid giving you a false impression of anal intercourse. You poop in the butt. As a result, you may find yourself in contact with it during anal intercourse.

Nevertheless, there is typically relatively little touch. A smudge could appear here or there. (Remember how I said we were getting serious!)

The recipient should attempt to have a firm bowel movement four to six hours before play to lessen the possibility of coming into contact with anything. You might want to reschedule your playdate if you're constipated, haven't "gone" in a while, or have an upset stomach. Some anal sex lovers decide to eat a bland, less annoying diet when they know anal sex is on the table to facilitate this process as much as possible.

Additionally, don't overlook the effectiveness of sex-friendly barriers like gloves, condoms, and others. They create an extra barrier between your body and any possible mess, even though they can be very effective at lowering the risk of pregnancy or STIs. For instance, if a mess occurs during anal intercourse while the penetrating partner is wearing a condom, it will probably happen near the tip of the device, which the wearer can quickly remove by stripping it off. This can be a fast tidying-up method that minimizes the "mess" the recipient sees and eliminates the need for anyone to interact with the things that are causing you both anxiety.

Before attempting anal with a partner, I would advise doing some alone time with a dildo if you're the receiver and concerned about the mess. If you're concerned about how your paired experiences will appear, you're unlikely to enjoy them. You can see what to expect and determine whether you feel comfortable sharing it with someone else by trying it out with a dildo beforehand.

Fact & Myth: Enemas Can Reduce the Likelihood of Mess

Some also suggest enemas for anal intercourse, although I strongly advise several practice enemas weeks before the "main event." You leave more waste in the area you're trying to clean if you perform an inadequate or improper enema.

The whole purpose of enemas is to dislodge faecal particles (teehee). To get rid of that waste, you want your body to evacuate it. You can actually "add" faecal matter—a faecal matter already dislodged and easier to come into contact with—to your workable area by doing an incomplete enema.

Furthermore, you risk causing some tearing or discomfort at the entrance if you are not delicate with your enema, which will also make your sexual pleasure less enjoyable.

Using too much liquid is another common mistake that can cause you to use the restroom too frequently to finish the deed. It's also not enjoyable.

Although enemas can guarantee that you're (almost) completely clean, most people who want to engage in regular anal intercourse with a biological penis don't need them. When people begin playing with big toys, anal stretching, or fisting, enemas start to become more significant.

Enemas, however, can be a solution for you if the thought of a mess is the only thing holding you back; just be sure you know what you're doing, don't do it too frequently, and practice before attempting to perform an enema before to an anal sex session.

Fact: Your Favorite Sex Positions Might Not Work

The vagina and the anus are located in different places. This implies that some of your preferred vaginal sex positions may no longer be appropriate, and you may need to experiment a little to discover new positions that are both anal and beneficial to your body.

However, likely, some of your favorite sex positions might not be the best for newcomers to anal sex, even if the position is physiologically feasible. Certain sex positions make it harder to take penetration gently or stimulate deep penetration. Until you are at ease and have expertise with anal sex, you may need to table some of those positions.

Think of this as a fresh chance to discover new ways your body works together and to enjoy the euphoric pleasures of novel experiences.

How to Have Anal Sex for the First Time

All is well; now you know what to anticipate. You might need to learn some new sex positions and see some excrement, but anal sex shouldn't hurt or alter your sexual identity.

You don't mind any of that. What comes next, then?

Talk About Anal

You should discuss anal sex with your spouse long before you engage in it. Recall that if neither of you knows what you're doing, anal intercourse might be painful. Here, we're attempting to steer clear of it. You risk going down the pain train, which isn't enjoyable if you've done your homework but your partner is only relying on their presumptions.

Thus, you should talk about butt-related topics long before the anal occurs. This doesn't have to be serious, and if you want, it can even be mixed with some erotic, sultry banter. The fact that you have discussed it and are aware of your agreement is what matters. I would suggest the following anal sex negotiations:

• What are your thoughts on the concept of anal intercourse? (It can be entirely impossible for some people to pass!)

• How do you feel about having or receiving anal intercourse?

• Poop may occur. Is that acceptable to us? Some receptive partners, for instance, would rather the insertive partner take off and discard the condom without complaining about the mess if it occurs. They feel at ease because of that.)

• What kind of lubricant are we going to use?

• Which of our sex toys may be used as a warm-up? (If not, it may be time to purchase some.)

• What about anal intercourse appeals to you? Is there any way we could include that?

• Do specific sex positions come to mind when you think of anal sex?

• What about some free time that we have coming up?

Schedule Time

The words "schedule" and "sex" together sound the most sexy, don't they? But it's true in this instance.

You cannot begin your investigation into anal sex with a limited amount of time. You simply cannot. The thing that will hurt is trying to run through the anal area too quickly. Unfortunately, anal sex is merely one of those things that take time. Fortunately, this is the case if you enjoy getting as much pleasure as possible. You must thus have the time.

That isn't always simple with our hectic lives. For this reason, I advise setting aside time for your anal sex session.

Ensuring you both have a few hours of unbroken time will provide the comfort you need to enjoy those hours without worrying about anything interfering.

Just make sure you have a few hours to spare for your anal intercourse, no matter how you do it. This is not an activity where you can cut corners, especially if you're starting.

Get Aroused and Relaxed

Anal intercourse is not one of the sexual acts that may be "zero to 60" in a matter of seconds. If you take some time to relax and become excited before you start, your anal sex encounter will go more smoothly overall. Some of that desire may already be incorporated into the anticipation of your anal sex encounter because you planned it (correct?).

The remaining arousal may result from teasing and flirting before the event. Sexting is a beautiful foreplay tool.

However, there's nothing wrong with making out and touching each other for a while before starting your anal pleasure encounter. Both literally and symbolically, a nice, old-fashioned make-out session can be a great way to get the passions flowing.

In addition to making all the other sensations feel even better, excitement also helps the body relax, which facilitates and eases anal entry.

It benefits both parties!

Warm Up & Use Lube

You should warm up with something smaller than the final size of what you want for intercourse before attempting anal intercourse. If you have sex toys, those are usually the first things that people think of, but many individuals also go with their fingers.

What's crucial is that you stretch the anus extensively before attempting full-on penetration. The anus can more easily spread wide enough for a penis during the final intercourse thanks to this slow, soft stretching, which also relaxes the area and increases pleasure.

Start with one finger if you're using them, then gradually advance to two. Think about three or four, but as usual, talk to your spouse and find out where they are at in terms of comfort. Make sure your fingernails are short and free of hangnails or sharp edges. After cleaning and trimming your fingernails, apply a little pressure to each one as you run it over the broad side of your tongue to get brownie points. You must retrim anything that causes tongue pain. Keep in mind that the anus is equally as delicate and sensitive as the tongue!

When employing toys, start with a slim toy and then consider using a larger one after the slim one. Aim for an anal toy diameter of less than one inch if the person is a total novice. A toy with a diameter of less than one and a quarter inches is usually a good target for someone who has previously used fingers. Make sure the base is flamed to ensure anal safety.

You may also think about using an anal dilation device like the Odile. The Odile was created primarily to assist a person in gently stretching themself before anal intercourse. First, insert an anal dilator into the butt to accomplish that. Next, crank the Odile's base's twistable dial. As a result, the Odile gradually becomes larger, millimetre by millimetre. This can facilitate a calm, gentle stretching session that helps prepare the body for larger toys or sexual activity with a partner.

In either case, the objective is to open the butt softly, so proceed with caution, take your time, and leave the finger or toy within the butt to allow it to relax the area for further penetration. Consider employing a butt plug to engage in other forms of foreplay while using your fingers or the sex toys if you're feeling a little too slow right now. At the same time, you can change positions for making out or other forms of pleasure (such as physical or oral pleasure).

Make sure to use a ton of lubricant, regardless of what you're using. The anus doesn't provide any lubrication, in contrast to the vagina. Yes, you read correctly: zero. There is nothing to make things more enjoyable or smooth. You must BYOL: Don't forget to pack your Lube. Apply lubrication to your finger or sex toy, and then, just for safety, use your finger or the sex toy's tip to coat the entire entrance.

Reapply the lubrication regularly. Reapply if you notice that things are a little less smooth than before. Reapply if ten minutes have passed. Applying too much lubrication is difficult, but applying too little can cause excruciating discomfort.

Note: Excessive lubrication is physically feasible. Though extremely challenging, it is possible. After anal intercourse, most people may need to make a few further trips to the restroom to get rid of the extra lubrication. Going too far could result in lubrication, creating an enema-like sensation during play. However, we're only discussing half the bottle in one session.

Possibly Stop Here

Are you having a hard time with your favorite sex toy, and are you halfway through? You'll probably want to stop at this point.

I am aware that the ultimate "goal" was anal intercourse. However, understanding and communicating your boundaries is a key component of anal. It will hurt to try your partner if your body is already at its limit from a thinner toy than yours. The actual intercourse is likely to cause considerable pain if you find that your entry is already sore during the warm-up.

Unfortunately, even if you genuinely want to keep going, there are instances when you have to "call it" before you reach the planned event. Occasionally, your body does not follow your mind's instructions. That's terrible, but it does happen, and it happens more often with anal sex than with other kinds of sex. An unsettled stomach, daytime stress, or pain from previous bowel movements can easily derail your preparations for anal intercourse.

Therefore, especially if the receiver is new to anal penetration, don't be scared to halt at this point if necessary. During the first few sessions, especially when anal penetration is fresh, and the feelings are all new, you shouldn't expect to have anal intercourse. Reaching the point of anal intercourse will take some time.

And even if you haven't inserted a dildo all the way, don't feel awful about stopping. You can always do it another day. You can't get rid of your sex toys—or your partner, for that matter.

Use Even More Lube

Keep in mind that Lube is unquestionably your anal partner. I want you to thoroughly lubricate your penis (or dildo) before beginning penetration. After your warm-up, take a time to lubricate the anus once again for further safety.

Anal sex can be made or broken by patience and lubrication, so keep that bottle close at hand.

Because silicone-based lubes are unsafe for your sex toys, use a water-based lube if you're using them for anal play.

Go for Super-Slow, Super-Gentle Penetration

Alright, so you're both highly aroused, your partner is getting warmed up, and your penis is pouring lubrication onto the bed linens. What will happen next?

This situation is known as "penetration so slow that it's not really even moving." That may also require you to reposition your sex, as we'll discuss in the tips below. A position that allows the penetrating partner to effortlessly support and maintain their weight while transitioning between "not inserted" and "fully inserted" is your goal. For instance, missionaries can make things extremely challenging, but the doggie style simplifies them.

Insert the tip just enough and wait rather than aiming for a full, smooth initial stroke. This may seem like you're being overly patient on the part of the penetrating partner, but I can assure you that the receiver experiences many sensations.

When your lover wants a little more, ask them and give it to them. Finding a position that allows the receiver to push back into the penis, such as a rear-entry sex position, is preferable to forcing the recipient to move, but both can be effective.

With each push, slide in less than half an inch. We're moving slowly.

Your unique penile anatomy may have an impact on this situation. While some people's penises begin thinner at the tip and thicken toward the base, others have the thickest penises at the tip. To figure out how much to insert at a time, use your understanding of your penis.

You can begin sliding in an inch at a time before stopping if your partner has already "conquered" the thickest area of your penis with ease. Continue using gradual steps if you're still working your way up to the thickest section so your partner's body can become used to the feelings.

Once fully entered, make sure you remain motionless. There are still many sensations present, particularly in relation to depth. Await your partner's approval before beginning extremely slow, meticulous thrusts.

Apply lubrication again as necessary. Keep in mind: Too much lubrication is challenging! Condoms might add a little extra friction, so you might need to apply lubrication more often if you're using one to lessen the chance of mess.

Even after you're completely absorbed, remember to talk to your partner and find out what they want. The sensations might be very overwhelming, especially if this is your first time having anal intercourse. You might just be able to give them a careful, slow thrust, which might be more than sufficient. To make sure everyone enjoys the experience as much as possible, don't forget to provide them with additional forms of pleasure, such as stroking the penis or stimulating the clitoris.

Be mindful that the area can get overstimulated more quickly than during vaginal intercourse for most people, especially if the receiver is new to anal intercourse. Additionally, the anus may be more friction-sensitive. Aim for orgasms throughout that time frame, or even prepare a strategy for what to do if soreness forces penetration to finish early.

If you try anal intercourse for the first time (or even again!), you might not get fully implanted. This could be a big leap for the recipient, depending on where your penis is most enormous. Consider employing the OhNuts penile limiters to shorten your penis and adhere to the locations that have been comfortably inserted if you're willing to allow for shallower anal penetration.

I would advise getting a dildo that is about the same size as your penis if it is challenging or annoying to begin anal penetration without being able to complete a full stroke. The receiver's body should be more suited to a thicker size by the time intercourse arrives, and you can incorporate it into the warm-up and foreplay.

Anal Sex Tips for Your First Time

Let's finally discuss some anal sex advice to make sure you have the best anal sex possible:

Don't Rush Intercourse

It is usually unrealistic to expect sexual activity the first time you do something anal-related, as you are aware if you have read all of the preceding things. Furthermore, before you reach the section that involves sexual activity, you should anticipate spending a fair amount of time engaging in foreplay.

Beyond that, though, there's a strong reason to take your time getting to the "final" intercourse: Anal sex can feel better the longer you relax, stretch, and become aroused. Similar to how edging can be excellent, increasing anticipation and prolonging foreplay before anal penetration can also be wonderful.

Try to reframe things a little if you discover that your body requires a little more time to prepare for anal intercourse, and you're beginning to feel self-conscious. The ultimate "reward" of hotter and more powerful feelings may make it all worthwhile for everyone!

Choose Your Anal Intercourse Position Carefully

Finding a beginner-friendly anal sex position is crucial, even while it may be tempting to concentrate on achieving the sexiest position you can think of.

Since "patience" is key, you want to make sure that the penetrating partner can comfortably support their weight in any sex position you choose and doesn't have to exert too much effort to do so. Use sex positions to reduce the possibility that the penetrating partner will penetrate too rapidly because of fatigued muscles or poor balance.

The receiving partner is likewise affected. Although many individuals advise novices to anal to use receiver-on-top sex positions, I would recommend being cautious with that. The receiver's legs could easily become fatigued and slide down faster than they had planned.

My suggestion? Consider something like these:

Both the penetrator and the receiver can completely unwind in the Cornerback Sex Position. This can be excellent for shallow penetration as well as mild first penetration.

A modified "receiver-on-top" that is less prone to wear out either partner is the Kneeling Fox. Imagine the receiver "backing onto" the partner who is penetrating. Just be aware that sleeping with your legs folded can cause them to fall asleep more quickly than in other situations.

It's also a good idea to choose a sex position that prevents deep penetration. In addition to avoiding unpleasant feelings, this might lessen entering too rapidly or deeply, which can be highly uncomfortable for beginners.

Selecting an anal sex position that permits the receiver to unwind is crucial. This could involve utilizing sex furniture to facilitate the achievement of that objective. Any strain on any muscles is likely to induce the anus to tense up as well. Therefore, you want the receiver to concentrate on unwinding and receiving. (The number of stressors that drive us to tighten our butts is surprising!)

To support the midsection during doggy style for more comfortable penetration, you may want to look into Liberator sex furniture, such as the Flip-Ramp, which rests beneath the abdomen. To help the receiver relax during from-behind sex, the wedge could be utilized to raise and support the hips. During the first warm-up foreplay, the receiver may lie on their back and use the Jaz to raise their hips, making entry more straightforward.

One excellent example of how sex furniture might help you is the Double Mount Penetration Position. Because the Liberator Bon Bon supports the hips, the recipient may immerse themselves in the pleasure without worrying about their thighs trembling.

In any case, make sure you're selecting sex positions that will help you both have successful anal sex by using all the resources available to you, such as sex furniture, improved sex postures, and lots of open communication.

You Can Prep in Advance

Quickies are occasionally offered. Quickie anal is also possible, but you should exercise caution when doing it. Regretfully, some people believe that "quickie anal" entails sacrificing foreplay and compensating with more lubrication.

It takes a little more imagination to pull off anal sex quickies, and you'll discover that anal sex gadgets might end up becoming your closest friends as a result. If you want to play quickies in public, think about putting in anal plugs before you go out together. (When switching to sexual activity, pack plastic disposable baggies to put the old ones in.)

If you don't have much time at home, prepare your body beforehand. You can do this by utilizing butt plugs or anal vibrators or by spending some time in the bedroom with a dildo.

Preemptive sex toys can aid with part of the prep work and reduce the time needed to prepare for anal sex, even if nothing compares to the deliberate focus of fingers and sex toys doing the stretching. Busy lives demand practical solutions.

Get Ready for Some Seriously Hot Anal Sex!

Remind yourself that it's pretty OK, and you even expected to start your anal exploration slowly. The smoother transitions and quicker acclimations will occur later when your body adjusts to anal sex and how the two of you fit together. You don't jump into any new activity as an expert.

Enjoy the first investigation of anal sex to the fullest. You won't get the chance to "do it again for the first time" in this manner, so cherish and appreciate the special feelings as the fantastic experience they are, and don't rush to "get good."