Yoga, Sex and Edging

I attempted to control my muscles as the yoga instructor instructed me to "move into the pose and find your edge." "Blow there when you've found it." I had trouble breathing evenly. "Have fun with it. Then she went on, "Dance there on the edge," and I lost it.

I laughed. I pretended to be clearing my throat in an attempt to hide it, but in the meantime, I was staring at all the other yogis' faces; had I just exposed myself as a pervert? The majority of people either didn't see my reaction or looked perplexed because, aside from me, the teacher's remarks weren't amusing.

Then I noticed a woman wearing a loose-fitting shirt and purple yoga leggings, smiling in embarrassment. I swiftly averted my gaze with relief. It's not just me.

Finding the Edge of Power Exchange

"Dance for me on that edge." The previous evening, when my fingers and her vibrator had taken her to the brink of orgasm, I had told my girlfriend precisely that. There are many various types of kink orgasm control, and our procedure differs from the typical "cum on command." She can cum as many times as she wants. However, before she crosses the line, she must ask for permission.

Edge is the key term. It also functions well as an edging verb. Because I had learned through trial and error that it felt even better to back off a few times before finally letting go and experiencing the waves of pleasure, I was edging myself and my partners long before I even understood what the word meant.

I learned that the dream of orgasm control, or just pleasure as torture, could come true when I came upon the kink community. Power was edging on both sides of the cut. I had more control over my ostensibly ravenous manly sexual desire because I knew how to stay on the verge of climax without going overboard. The ability to gradually tease, touch, suck, and fuck my partners—strong, clever, and powerful women—to the point of near-mindless desire for release, however, was sweeter.

My partner's most erotic statement is, "Please, sir, let me cum!" She can have an orgasm without me in a few minutes, so I am aware that I am not truly in charge of it. However, the sound of her pleading turns me on, and she turns me on by letting me decide whether or not she gets to cum. As a result, our desire grows closer to that breaking point.

And we dance there, as the yoga instructor recommended. We are on a tightrope because waiting too long can disrupt the orgasm, which is a perfectly normal but distinct kink. Even worse, that loss of control can quickly become a sense of failure if she has an orgasm before I grant permission. We must exercise caution in that regard, as her identity is fundamentally based on her submission to my will.

It gives me an advantage because of this. This type of play can hurt much more than an unintentional wrap from a single tail if I'm not watching how near she is to going over. The physical welt left by that lash may go away, but the emotional scars she bears from disappointing me require much more attention and time to heal.

Ass or asana, edging is edging.

However, the yoga instructor was perfectly justified in using that word. With less lubricant, edging in yoga is much the same as edging in sex. Most yoga instructors probably would disagree that the idea of "finding my edge" has anything to do with the verge of orgasm. They're mistaken, with all due respect.

Yoga author Laura Hegg has defined "edging" in yoga as a position where "you are mentally and physically challenged, but also able to find balance and ease." Yes, some instructors use that precise term. She goes on to characterize it as a "Calm challenge, exploring your limits, stepping away from your comfort zone, and cultivating awareness of your mind and body."

Everyone who responds to the call of "deliberate practice" is highly familiar with this type of edge. This entails performing a yoga practice that is marginally more challenging than my usual regimen.

Actually, I disagree with Ms. Hegg's assessment that the sensation was "calm" and "easy." I'm not at all calm while I'm straining to touch the floor without falling on my ass in a half-moon stance. As I heard the instructor remind me to "breathe," my supporting leg during Warrior Three was making a million little modifications to keep me balanced. It's not easy, but if I'm lucky, I don't fall over.

The sexual edge can be used interchangeably with the rest of her concept of the yoga edge. It sounds like something from any BDSM 101 book: "Exploring limits, stepping away from your comfort zone…awareness of mind and body." The parallels don't end there.

A sort of honour system is used in edging. Yoga without complete concentration and presence in each pose would be merely going through the motions, and there is little use in controlling an orgasm with a partner who fakes arousal. I purposefully push myself to the point when my body is on the verge of collapse, and my muscles are trembling when I conduct a conscious yoga practice. Between my body and my idea of what my body is capable of, I am engaged in a power struggle with myself.

I ask myself the same question I ask my girlfriend when she's on the verge of losing it over her need to cum: is it possible to push it a bit further without going too far? Can you go farther, or is that truly the edge? Do you think you've gone as far as you can without crossing?

In most cases, we are safe enough to enjoy my partner's orgasm and any "punishment" that may ensue if she has one without asking. I can and typically do hurt myself if I push myself too hard during edging yoga.

It takes expertise to the edge. It's a steep learning curve for a results-driven, achieve-the-goal-at-all-costs ex-jarhead like me. Usually, there's a time when a wrist ligament or an oblique muscle twinges, and I look like Wile E. Coyote running off a cliff. I regret the decisions I made in my life. This is going to be painful.

Further, more profound, longer

The edge is constantly shifting in both yoga and sex due to the law of diminishing returns. It is no longer indeed the edge if the route to the boundaries of your control is well-known and straightforward. Finding new ways to get my partner to the point where they beg for release is part of the ongoing fun of orgasm control. As I try to find stability and easier breathing in each pose, I can feel my edge move in yoga.

Dancing on the edge sometimes entails delving deeper into the body and the breath; it's not always about pushing yourself or trying harder. Sometimes, it's just holding that muscle trembling a little bit longer than before, whether it's due to arousal, tiredness, or both.

Because I push myself to the limit in my yoga, I am better at edging with my partner, and it also works the other way around. Unfortunately, I can't express my gratitude to my teachers in the non-kinky yoga lessons. For the time being, I can enjoy a somewhat twisted smile and ask myself, "Can you go just a bit further?"

After that, I inhale and approach the edge.