Life on the Edge: Edging and Why You Deserve It
For incredible enjoyment, slow down your roll. In addition to being a lot of fun, edging may be a very powerful self-care and sexual shame-healing technique.
A multitude of terms, including enjoyment, arousal, orgasm, communication, permission, and so on, are inevitable when discussing human sexuality.
Irony is the one that appears the least frequently, if at all. Despite this, the word is essentially ideal for describing edging. Why not have them? After all, what else would you call increasing the OMG power of orgasm?
However, what exactly is edging, and why do I and other experts strongly advise making it a crucial component of your sexual life?
Why You Should Try Edging
By now, we're all reasonably familiar with how it comes: stimulation to fuel the furnace, arousal (whether from your hand, a sex toy, or a partner), and then (to stick with my ridiculous locomotive metaphors) chugga chugga whoo-hoo!—with a burst of gloriously and thoroughly enjoyable hot release.
Edging accomplishes all of this, but with the added twist that, when an orgasm seems inevitable, there is a deliberate retreat from the brink.
Anyone can perform it, regardless of how their genitalia are arranged or what or whom they find exciting. Indeed, edging play is typically portrayed in adult movies as being more appropriate for individuals with vulvas, but those without can equally relish the delightful agony.
There are many other reasons why someone may voluntarily leave the joy of an orgasm, but for the sake of conciseness, I'll only highlight a handful that are my personal favorites.
Exerting or Relinquishing Control
Of course, any justification is quite legitimate, but to paraphrase the BDSM perspective, only if SSC carries it out:
- Safely, emotionally, and physically
- Sanely, where both of you understand the dangers
- And most importantly, in agreement.
About BDSM, edging is a long-standing custom in domination and submission play, in which a master or mistress will order a submissive to masturbate but then order them to stop right away as they get close to orgasm. By keeping an eye out for indications of "getting close" or insisting that the sub notify them when an orgasm is about to occur, the dom can also use a toy. The enjoyment arises from the submissive giving up control and the dominant exercising control.
Learning the Cues
Once more, that is only one instance, particularly within the framework of BDSM. Another compelling argument for the edge is that, for many, it can be a crucial tool for managing their sexual response cycle, improving orgasm, and helping them discover their sexual identity.
Starting at the top of this list, edging allows you to get a better understanding of the sensation of an upcoming orgasm by getting close and then stepping back, rather than letting it happen on its own.
Individuals may control the entire process better if they practice this and pay enough attention to what's happening and why. They may even be able to approach and push back an orgasm numerous times during a single sexual encounter.
Adding Some Oomph
Knowing your specific orgasm-tipping point allows you to reach it whenever you want, which makes it an excellent strategy for people who feel like they orgasm too quickly—or too slowly, for that matter.
The idea is that by approaching and then denying yourself, your arousal will increase until it is finally released, which will be like a dam bursting open—or a boiler exploding, if you're not familiar with my train metaphor—and you will have more oomph in your already enjoyable oomphing orgasms.
Knowing Yourself
The benefit of edging, which I believe is among the best—not that the other reasons aren't fantastic-is that you can start to understand yourself like never before by paying attention to how your mind and body work together during sex and orgasm.
Specifically, by researching the upcoming triggers that each of us experiences—such as our favorite sexual fantasies, a favorite toy that hits just right, exhilarating oral, anal, or vaginal sensations, exciting sights, scents, and tastes, and so on—that bring about our climax.
After gaining this basic understanding of yourself, you may go even further, looking at the sources of these triggers and where to look for more information to research and try out. You can also get a better understanding and acceptance of all facets of your sexuality.
The practical question of how to explore the hot—and then cold—and then hot again—world of edging, with or without a partner, comes next, regardless of the whys, which, as I indicated, go much beyond what I've touched on above.
How to Start Edging
There are countless reasons to think about edging and even more reasons to attempt different approaches.
Solo Play
Simplifying a little more, one of my particular preferences is to adhere to the adage "simpler is better." This means doing what you typically do, but as you approach closer to climax, ease off instead of letting things go as usual.
For people accustomed to arriving promptly or efficiently, this may require a significant amount of time. Add withdrawal strategies as you become more accustomed to it, such as removing your hands from your property, turning off your sex toy, or perhaps taking a lot of deep, relaxing breaths.
Completely stopping things isn't the main objective here, but if it helps you get control, then that's good for you. As an aside, ligature-type toys, such as cock rings, can occasionally be helpful for those with penises because they aid to inhibit ejaculation and restrict blood flow, which lessens sensation.
With a Special Someone
If you're interested in edging with your partner, you can start a conversation, which is the cornerstone of any successful sexual connection. Therefore, begin by discussing edging with your spouse, including why you want to try it and what it might add to your shared pleasures. Then, concentrate on the specifics.
I recommend single-person masturbating sessions before contact-partner activities for relationship edging play. I reason that, especially when someone is enjoying themselves, it can be emotionally challenging to distance oneself from them voluntarily (ahem).
An added benefit of solo edging is that a partner may provide support, particularly in the beginning, when managing an orgasm may seem overwhelming. To avoid being overly strict, it could be time to focus on your relationship if your partner is the opposite, critiquing or expressing displeasure. Even though it can be fun, perfecting edging usually takes time and effort.
Less Is More
Another tactic is to fight the need to engage in a favorite dream, masturbation method, or even body position; instead, try something less uncomfortable but possibly less attractive. The idea here is that by gently altering the situation, your body and mind will not be susceptible to long-standing patterns of orgasm and masturbation. Gloves, condoms, and other similar items can also be helpful in this situation because they alter the sensation of your genitalia.
Returning to BDSM and partner play, a little role-playing of dominance and submission can also be beneficial since it offers a rigorous structure. Still, more importantly, it can support and encourage the person doing the edging. However, if this is something you're thinking about doing, please don't do it—that is, until you and your partner have learned as much as possible about the realities of BDSM play, with a focus on the potential emotional and physical hazards.
In Conclusion
Edging has been a successful and enjoyable method for many people to get much-needed control over how quickly or slowly they orgasm. Others have found that they may increase the intensity and duration of their orgasms like never before by backing away, getting close again, and repeating this repeatedly if they so choose.
However, there's another justification for thinking about edging, which I've kept for last since it's enormous.
Edging may be a way to achieve what everyone deserves: the capacity to accept oneself sexually, unless you're among the lucky few for whom having sex is a fun activity free from the negative baggage of guilt, shame, or all those other toxic emotions that have too long plagued humanity.
Edging is accurate self-empowerment since it focuses on knowing your body and mind by committing to your pleasure. This, you think to yourself, is about learning more about my sexual identity.
And if you choose to try edging, you might experience the joy of loving yourself as well as orgasms with this knowledge.
