How to Find a Threesome: The Ultimate Guide

Threesomes are a popular and popular fantasy. Finding a threesome and making it happen requires knowing where to look, how to behave, and how to keep safe.

Threesomes are a very popular fantasy. One of the most prevalent dreams overall, according to a poll conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, was multi-partner sex. Nevertheless, a lot of people have trouble making their dreams come true. Making a threesome work is challenging in part because it requires one or two other people, which is also what makes the concept so alluring. This implies significant logistical challenges to overcome if you wish to realize this dream.

Now, I have a lot of knowledge regarding threesomes. More than I can remember, and I even wrote the book on threesomes, "The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes." However, you're in luck if you want to begin threesome hunting right now. Along with suggestions and counsel from other threesome gurus, I've included some of my finest recommendations for finding a threesome partner below. Online dating sites like AdultFriendFinder, which connect like-minded people who want to go beyond monogamy, offer excellent advice.

How to Prepare for a Threesome

Deciding to form a threesome is exciting! However, planning before you begin your mate search is crucial so that it works out well for everyone. First and foremost, you need "open and honest communication between all parties involved," according to Heather McPherson, the CEO and creator of the Sexual Health Alliance and a licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor. It is crucial to have everyone consider their goals for the experience. "Be specific and explicit about your personal preferences, limits, and expectations," she said. Having this discussion about expectations is an excellent approach to ensure everyone agrees. It serves as a crucial reality check as well. In contrast to fantasies, real-life threesomes consider the boundaries and wishes of all parties, not simply the individual with the fantasy.

This is especially true if you have specific threesome fantasies, like when you've been fantasizing about a particular position (maybe double penetration?). "You should consider what you hope to get out of your sexual encounter. When speaking with the other possible lovers in your threesome, you should be explicit about any specific acts or activities you wish to engage in, advises Marla Renee Stewart, a licensed sexologist, sexual strategist, author @ Velvet Lips, and co-founder of the Sex Down South Conference.

Threesomes for Existing Couples

There are numerous combinations of threesome arrangements, from a single person joining a couple to three unmarried people joining together. However, when it comes to threesome planning, current couples who want to add a third person are the ones who ask me the most questions in both my coaching practice and threesome seminars. If this is your case, you must prepare and compromise before a third party is involved.

"It is crucial that couples talk about their boundaries, desires, and worries when they are getting ready for a threesome," says Alise Lindsey, a therapist and the proprietor of Enhancing Success Counseling. "In order for each person to truly reflect on their thoughts and feelings as well as to receive and process their partners' feedback, these conversations should not take place all at once, but rather over time," she explains.

How to Find a Threesome Partner Online

Finding threesome partners has become a lot simpler thanks to the internet in general and dating websites and apps in particular. Millions of individuals have used AdultFriendFinder to find everything from swingers' groups to threesomes and conventional partners. Despite being a popular fantasy, threesomes are unique enough to interest you, and it's helpful to be able to find other people who share your interests. It dramatically simplifies the hunt and ensures that you aren't disturbing anyone who isn't at least somewhat interested.

Your best option is to concentrate on dating apps and services that support open relationships, such as threesomes. According to McPherson, "searching through niche dating apps and websites catered to open relationships and polyamorous lifestyles is frequently necessary to find a threesome or ethical non-monogamy partner."

What to Have On Your Profile

You should, first and foremost, be clear about what you want. Among the many unethical practices that damage the reputation of so-called "unicorn hunters" are bait-and-switch methods. If, by some chance, you make it to the point of meeting up, a dishonest start virtually guarantees complications later on. In addition, the connection is likely to blow up in your face once the other person learns they've been duped.

What exactly do you say, then? Admit that a threesome is something you're considering! I will reiterate what I have mentioned before: threesomes are a widespread desire. This indicates that many individuals have similar fantasies, and you may discover them online.

How to Connect With Like-Minded People

The majority of websites and apps include built-in features to display your interests. Make the most of these tools by listing your dreams, indicating your sexual orientation and relationship status, and more. You may either search and sort by these interests, depending on the website you're visiting, or you can look for fantasies that match while you browse.

Remember that finding a threesome partner involves more considerations than just your desire to be in a threesome. Additionally, you must be usually compatible with other people. Therefore, don't overlook your standard list of must-haves and deal-breakers when looking through profiles. People who are game for a threesome shouldn't be given a pass if they wouldn't make a good one-on-one date.

Safety Tips When Finding a Threesome Online

Some people stay offline due to safety concerns, and online dating can be intimidating. Although there are steps you may take to make online dating safer, nothing is ever completely secure.

Trust Your Gut

Trust your instincts as you browse profiles and, more importantly, begin online conversations. "Look for green and red flags when having conversations; even if this is a casual encounter, a high level of physical and emotional safety is required," Lindsey said. Close it down if something doesn't feel right. Don't allow your safety to be jeopardized because of a fear of shortage; there are plenty of other people out there.

Protect Personal Information

The amount of detail that can infiltrate casual conversation is astounding. However, you should reconsider disclosing your place of employment or any information about your residence. You likely don't want to disclose your last name or phone number initially. Consider setting up an email address for online dating or using an anonymous chat app or Google Voice number.

Meet in Public

Any initial encounter should take place in a public setting. Choose a location that isn't in your close neighborhood but that you are comfortable and familiar with. You don't want to give away your residence if things don't work out.

How to Find a Threesome Partner IRL

Since online listings are among the simplest ways to locate your neighborhood's programs and activities, you may also begin your IRL search there. Try obtaining a local newspaper, particularly an alt-weekly, if you're adamant about staying entirely analog. These can be excellent places to meet people in person because they usually feature ads and event listings.

Where to Look

It's crucial to concentrate on settings where partner hunting is accepted if you're looking for a threesome offline, or else you risk being labelled as creepy. "I think that sexualized settings, like sex clubs, swinger clubs, and sexual gatherings, are the best," Stewart stated. "Events that harness sexual energy, like burlesque shows, kink play parties/dungeons, and strip clubs, would be secondary places," she stated. Lindsay also said, "I have had clients share successes after experiencing adults-only cruises and resorts," if you're prepared to invest a significant amount of time (and money) in the threesome partner hunt.

How to Approach the Topic of a Threesome

It's advisable to be straightforward if you're in an environment where flirting and sexual talk are acceptable. "Have you ever been in a threesome before?" can be a great way to start a conversation. However, you'll still want to strike up a conversation, even during sex parties. People should still be treated like people, regardless of how casual a sexual interaction may be. As you get to know someone better, talking about their interests, pets, and favorite music may be fun.

You should engage in small talk, even at sex parties. People should still be treated like people, regardless of how casual a sexual interaction may be.

Safety Tips When Finding a Threesome IRL

When meeting someone in person, the same safety precautions should be taken as when meeting them online. When conversing with someone, ensure you maintain your privacy and don't divulge personal information until you're completely at ease.

The fact that you don't have to relocate to play somewhere else is one advantage of meeting possible threesome partners in play areas like swingers clubs. By staying at reputable locations, you can get a bed without disclosing your address or visiting a stranger's house. Furthermore, many of these locations will have staff members or party hosts to assist if things take a significant turn for the worst.

Make sure you have at least one friend you can tell if you're going on a date with possible threesome partners. A big step toward safety is having someone who knows where you're going and who you're with. Additionally, technology can assist in keeping you safe even if you're not using it to locate dates. "There are some really amazing apps, like Life360, that can track your phone among sexy friends so you can see where you're all at all times," Stewart stated.

Becoming a "Threesome Person"

The most excellent approach to finding threesome partners is to become a Threesome Person, even if many people are only interested in threesomes as a one-time fantasy. How on earth can that signify anything? Well, it's not a matter of chance; some people are more prone to experience threesomes than others. Those who have completed all of their homework beforehand are known as threesome people. "Having self-awareness, confidence, and strong communication skills are essential for participating in a threesome healthily," Lindsey stated.

It's not a matter of luck; certain people are just more likely than others to be in a threesome.

How are you going to get there? Here are some pointers.

Research and Build Skills

"You can handle these situations with confidence and respect for all parties involved if you keep learning about polite and agreeable behaviors within ethical non-monogamy," McPherson said.

Numerous resources are available both locally and online to help you learn more about consent, non-monogamy, and how to handle sexual interactions politely and healthily.

AdultFriendFinder's member-to-member live video connections and extensive article, and blog library can help you educate yourself about your sexual preferences and connect with others who can offer practical knowledge and experience.

Communicate

Communication is a crucial skill—possibly THE most important skill—for improving sex and fulfilling some of your fantasies and wishes. You've heard this before.

Recognize and express your wants and desires and your soft and rigid boundaries. McPherson stated that These abilities will contribute to a more pleasurable encounter.

Nurture Existing Relationships

Having a solid foundation in an existing relationship is best before adding new partners.

If it applies to your current relationship, establishing a solid foundation might help you get through any arguments or awkward situations that may come up, according to McPherson.

Become a Community Regular

Make it a habit to attend events rather than just going once or twice to meet up. This will help you create a community, make friends, and build a solid reputation.

That might seem like a lot of work, and it certainly can be. However, the effort is worthwhile if you want to be the type of person who often has threesomes. Threesomes are a hot fantasy, after all. And if you're prepared to strive for it, they can become a scorching reality. Remember that, if done correctly, the preparation work is just as much fun as vacation planning.