A Fetish Model's Tips for Looking and Feeling Sexy

Although imagination is fundamental to fetish modeling, a model's confidence is everything but.

I've spent almost 25% of my life as a fetish model. Given that I am just in my mid-twenties, this means that I am around three hundred and twelve years old in "model years" (counted in a manner similar to "dog years"... but a bit harsher). As a seasoned professional, I am prone to sharing my life experiences wherever possible, so I was overjoyed when Aduttoys reached out and asked me to do just that!

Both the modeling business and the fetish scene might appear intimidating and full of odd conventions and acronyms. (You are in a lifestyle d/s relationship and a pro-domme with a CBT specialty, yet you are a non-TF model? Excuse me.) To start, though, it's a good idea to acknowledge that you're new and to try not to be a bag. I learned a couple of other things about feeling and looking sexy in addition to that.

Imagination Is Sexy

Once, while doing a photo session for a popular "damsel-in-distress" website, I experienced a technical issue. I was meant to be struggling desperately on a mechanical device that would lift me above the ground. As the team and I attempted to save the picture shoot, the machine sat in the cupboard like a pouting Transformer on the day of the shoot, despite the demonstrations working well. During that year, one of the most popular setups was our minimalist interpretation of a '50s housewife role, which included gapping with a tea towel and being tied to an ironing board.

The lesson? Improvising can save money and give you brownie points for your sexy imagination, even if you're spending thousands on a slick look, sex harnesses, and dongs with so many bells and whistles you'd think they fell off the TARDIS. When your mother visits, you won't have to act like your spanking machine is a work of art.

My top do-it-yourself suggestions are as follows:

• For those who would prefer not to purchase a St Andrews Cross, ceiling hooks are a discrete and practical way to tie individuals. (Just be careful to install them correctly to avoid anyone being caught off guard at the most critical time.)
• Wide-toothed combs and keys are also practical tools for scratching your lover, but you may get more upscale ones.
• Never bind someone with stockings. Although the illusion is highly seductive, the reality is more akin to a hostage scenario, as they are nearly impossible to free. A wise rule for any bondage is to have emergency scissors close at hand if you must use them. Furthermore, don't claim I didn't warn you.

Fantasies Are Weird and Wonderful ... but They Aren't Real

It is my responsibility to portray a rubber-clad mistress, an enslaved person, or a virgin sacrifice in a believable manner. I have sometimes had to remind a few photographers that it is not acceptable to pretend to yell commands at me while I change positions, but most of the time, they realize that this is known as acting.

It's quite common for power dynamics to be different in the dungeon or bedroom than they are in real life. According to psychological research, people who have a lot of responsibility and control actually prefer to give up that power in their private lives, and vice versa.

Lawyers and clients with "Type A" personalities have been noted in disproportionate numbers by professional dominants. In their free time, they desire to be completely submissive, yet during the day, they are motivated, ambitious, and well-organized!

However, your pals shouldn't flee screaming if you wear domme boots in private, and being obedient doesn't give them the right to treat you like their own bitch. Although fantasies can be strange and wondrous, they are not real, and no one should be judged based on them.

There Is a Time and Place for Fetish Talk

During my pre-teen years, I came across fantastical paintings. No paper was safe from dragonish doodles, my bedroom became prime Hobbit real estate, and I'm confident that my forum presence would have been enough to keep entire businesses afloat if the Internet had been around at the time. I talked about it a lot because I didn't have a virtual outlet for my passion, to everybody.

You can be overly enthusiastic about whatever you've just learned, but since fetish has a sexual component, talking about it too much will probably hurt your reputation more than being called "terminally boring." Most of your coworkers don't want to hear about your weekend whipping, I can promise you. It could be the Fetlife.com community. Know the difference.

Beauty Is Bigger Than You Think

You've probably experienced feelings of inadequacy at some point if you're still alive. Regarding physical appearance, we are all constantly exposed to a stereotypically idealized appearance on television, in movies, and magazines. It is impossible for this hypothetical red arrow pointing at all of our "flaws" to be healthy. Did you know that it wasn't until the 1960s that the term "cellulite" first started to show up in popular magazines? We now have even more offensive terms, such as "carb face," "underbutt," and "armpit vagina," among other similarly absurd insults.

Do not misunderstand: There is still an "ideal" in the fetish modeling profession. Fetish models are typically curvaceous, either extraordinarily tall or very small, and usually have long hair. However, there are more outliers than in other sectors, and the fetish scene itself, in my view, takes a more positive stance on beauty.

During an awards event last year, I was dining with a dominatrix as one of my guests. Men genuinely worshipped her despite the fact that she was an adult lady and that some individuals probably used a lot of Photoshop before considering her to be conventionally gorgeous. She refers to herself as "Goddess."

I also follow a submissive woman's blog that chronicles her numerous and diverse experiences. Although they have never met her, her enormous fan base adores her. Almost every day, she gets told she is lovely despite having cellulite (she has blogged about it) and not being stick-thin.

I hated everything about me, including my large areolas, my pointed nose, my scar from an abseiling accident, and my big, firm thighs. However, modeling showed me that none of those things were terrible.

I'm trying to say that a lot of the fetish-respected women don't meet the ideals of traditional beauty. The brilliant choice to cast Lara Pulver as "The Woman" (dominatrix Irene Adler) in the BBC series "Sherlock" is perhaps the best example of this. Her smile is tight and blood-red, and she has petite breasts. Even though she looks more like a first lady than an FHM glamazon when she is dressed, she nonetheless attracts the attention of everyone on the television, including those who are not watching.

I feared the figure would be a theatrical, whip-wielding, snarling caricature and so unrealistic. Instead, this odd beauty is a beautiful example of one of the most important lessons I've learned as a fetish model: beauty is more abundant than I realized.