What Happened to Wedding Night Sex?

More than half of newlyweds don't get it on their first night together due to shifting social conventions.

On the night of your wedding, did you have sex? You might be ashamed to admit it if you didn't. After all, sex on the wedding night is customary, or at least that's what we're told. Some even claim that your first marital Giggity can predict the quality of your entire marriage. According to a survey conducted among couples in the United Kingdom, almost 50% of them refrained from having sex on their first night together. Many of the reasons given are the same ones that people use to avoid having sex on any other night: being intoxicated, anxious, exhausted, or simply not feeling like it. So why is there so much pressure to have amazing sex on your wedding night? Is it even rational?

Depending on the period and region of the world, wedding night sex has been perceived in quite diverse ways. It was common practice in medieval feudal systems to give the local lord the chance to bed a new bride before her husband did. You know, because virginity was the major prize and women were property. Sex is prohibited for at least two nights following the wedding ceremony in contemporary Bengali society, presumably to ensure that no one has second thoughts. According to Mario Puzo's book "The Godfather," it was customary in Italy for the mother-in-law to go on a honeymoon with the newlyweds. This was done so that the mother could address any questions the new bride might have in case her, uh, deflowering didn't work out. In such case, her mother is sent home at daybreak by Michael Corleone's new bride. The sex after the wedding was simply amazing.

The idea that the bride and groom are both virgins who can now fully enjoy each other in accordance with the law and custom appears to be the primary expectation for wedding night sex. Wedding night sex seems less critical because modern couples frequently live together prior to marriage, and there are fewer virgins at the altar than ever before. Recent surveys show that 24% of couples choose not to have sex on their wedding night because the groom is too inebriated. Another sixteen percent claim that the bride was intoxicated. I think both of these sound strange. My wedding took a lot of preparation, so the last thing I wanted was to be too inebriated to recall it. To each their own, however.

Wedding planning is a significant source of anxiety for many couples. The bride and groom are under as much stress as the rest of the family, if not more. A ridiculous amount of time-sensitive planning is going on, and family and friends are arriving from all around, along with caterers and flowers. Approximately 10% of couples argue before the reception ends, which is understandable. Later expressions of affection may be affected by the cooling-off effect of all that tension. It is not surprising that so many couples wish to skip sex for the night when you combine it with lavish cuisine, unrestricted alcohol consumption, and sleeping in an odd hotel bed. They can always make it up later, after all.