Pegging: Everything You Need to Know to Make It Pleasurable for You and Your Partner

Although they don't have to, these typical obstacles frequently prevent couples from enjoying pegging.

[Editor's note: When a strap-on is used to enter a partner anally, it's called pegging. Generally, it refers exclusively to a guy as the receiving partner and a woman wearing the strap-on. Although we know that physical parts do not equate to identity, we have employed gendered pronouns to match the phrase's usage.

It's difficult for heterosexual couples to go back once they've entered the pegging realm. After all, in addition to being incredibly gratifying and climactic, it can be a simple method to "reverse" the typical power dynamics in a partnership and develop a closer bond. She will gain more experience "providing" pleasure, while he will gain more experience taking it. Naturally, it can feel great for both partners as well!

Even though I want your pegging experience to be as smooth as possible, problems happen. It can be exasperatingly challenging, particularly when a sex act like this is involved and involves several factors that most couples are not familiar with. In light of this, here are some typical obstacles that prevent heterosexual couples from enjoying pegging, along with solutions.

Though recommendations may apply to couples of either gender, all of these are written from the perspective of a strap-on-wearing woman who will be pegging the butt of a penis-owning human.

He's Terrified It'll Make Him Gay

This seems to be a prevalent grievance, primarily a mental one. He will typically have to deal with this on his own, but it can be beneficial to reaffirm to him regularly that it isn't the case. (Alternatively, you might direct him to this article by sex blogger JoEllen Notte: Do Tacos Make You Mexican If Anal Sex Makes You Gay?)

We're Scared about the Mess

Yes, bad things do happen. An area of the body that is frequently used for waste is being tampered with by you. This place is used for a normal biological function, much as the vagina (and the blood that occurs).

Many people are still so terrified of it, nevertheless, that they could completely shun pegging or anal intercourse out of fear! That's not good, then! It's helpful to do a few things in addition to acknowledging that it will happen occasionally (and eventually if you participate in enough pegging sessions):

Initially, confirm that the receptive partner consumes a healthy diet and experiences regular bowel movements. He should not play with pegging after he has had stomach sickness. Having your spouse eat a complete, high-fiber diet and limit playtime until after he has had a good movement for four to six hours is beneficial.

Naturally, this is predicated on the fact that he can have complex, solid bowel motions. Pegging is still an option for most people; if that isn't the case, you may employ additional barrier measures because of the higher risk of mess. Anal Play and IBS: Why It Needn't Be a No-Go offers some excellent advice.)

Second, some individuals truly like cleaning the area before playing with enemas. The inside of the body may be almost immaculate after an enema or two, and you're far less likely to encounter anything that could irritate you both. (Need assistance performing an enema? I understand you.)

Third, you can always utilize barrier techniques to minimize any "mess" that comes into contact with you. In addition to protecting your bedding, puppy pads or medical chucks offer a convenient, disposable location for "dirty" items. Gloves make switching between pegging and hugging easier by keeping any filth off your hands. Condoms eliminate the need to handle any possible "mess" by allowing it to be quickly removed from the dildo and thrown in the trash.

We're Not Sure Where to Start

Surprisingly, many couples are stuck before they ever try pegging. After all, this is a very different kind of "sex"—and one that calls for a lot of equipment! Because of this, it can be very, very hard to know where to begin.

Beginner pegging kits can be helpful in this situation. I usually advise buying your strap-on harness and dildo separately, as you are aware if you have followed my previous pegging suggestions. This increases the likelihood that you'll find something that suits both of your bodies and allows you to tailor your outfit to your specific requirements.

However, it takes practice, experience, and education to make informed, educated, and personal choices regarding strap-on harnesses and dildos.

It's a Catch-22, and a really unpleasant one.

A basic strap-on harness kit might be pretty helpful in this situation. These kits might give you a starting point to try with pegging and discover what you prefer in your strap-on harness and dildos, mainly because they are more affordable. Upgrading your equipment gives you a starting point for determining what you truly desire.

The following questions can be addressed with the aid of a beginner's strap-on harness kit:

• Where on your hips do you want your strap-on harness to rest?
• What is the receiver's comfortable dildo size?
• What is the recipient's preferred length for the dildo? What is the desired duration of the dildo for the giver?
• Do you require particular dildo lengths and sizes for specific positions?
• How should a strap-on harness be cleaned? Would you prefer a different way to wash it?

Additionally, the dildos in your beginner's kit can still be quite helpful even if you "upgrade" some of the components in your strap-on kit. They can be used as warm-up toys or, equally simply, as part of your new strap-on harness!

The Sportsheets Newcomer's Strap-on Special Edition kit is one of the newest pegging beginner kits to make waves. This kit was made easy for novices to use in every way. Velcro straps hold the replaceable O-ring in place, making replacement simple. Designed to be your first exposure to anal activity, the supplied dildo is relatively thin. The harness is also compatible with hips up to 72".

Pegging Hurts Him!

This is a major one for many couples, typically brought on by a few distinct factors.

He can be anxious, to start. The butt tends to stiffen up when someone is nervous, just like any other muscle in the body. Any penetration may become considerably more challenging as a result. To demonstrate that things may be enjoyable, the approach is to make sure he is at ease, start very small—possibly with just a finger—and have a lot of foreplay. After that, he will begin to unwind.

Second, the issue can be the size of your dildo. The ability to select your own dick size is one of the main advantages of using a strap-on. Do you want to be enormous? Completed. Desire to have a p-spot curve and be slender? You got it. You can change your "dick" each time you play by strapping it on. Having stated that, a person's ability to "take" may vary daily.

Consider moving to a smaller dildo if your companion is in agony. Some dildos with "beginner" pegging kits can be significant, especially if you're both new to this! If he's experiencing issues, think about getting him a slim dildo that has a diameter of less than an inch. There is no requirement that a dildo of biological human size be a part of your anal intercourse. Once more, pegging is enjoyable since it allows you to utilize a dildo that is just a little bit thicker than a finger! Naturally, don't forget to warm up well beforehand by using your real fingers and engaging in a lot of foreplay.

The quantity and kind of lubricant you use is the third and last consideration for painful pegging. Over time, lubricant tends to dry out, making it uncomfortable. Spend some time sometimes pulling out and slathering your dildo in another coating of lube, especially if you're using a water-based lubricant. For this, I prefer to have gloves on hand. I'll slide out of my partner, put on a glove, lube the toy with the gloved hand, then slide back in and remove the glove. In this manner, I may resume holding onto my spouse without any lubricant or gunk on my hands.

We Can't Figure Out the Best Pegging Positions

Now, some people may find this problematic. You are essentially attempting to put an inanimate object—which you cannot feel—into your partner's butt. Furthermore, many people who wear straps have never been the penetrator before. Anyone would get performance anxiety just from that!

First, think about blindfolding your significant other. Even if it's only a small step, it can help you find your rhythm and know that his eager eyes can't be on you.

Once you've completed that, it will be time to try other postures. In essence, you're searching for sex positions where you can regulate the tempo of penetration, where any height difference won't matter, and where you might be able to grind for clitoral stimulation. It turns out that the penetrator is usually the taller partner in many sex positions!

Kinkly has a whole section of strap-on compatible sex positions to get you started. It's an excellent starting point.

The Bound Love Triangle Position is one of my favorites for novices. Although Liberator sex furniture is used here, which makes it very simple to accomplish, a strategically placed bed, couch, or ottoman can also be used.

The Mermaid Position is yet another excellent choice. The strap-on wearer may easily regulate depth because the receiver's legs rest on their shoulders, eliminating any height disparity. Watching the receiver's expression morph in pleasure, you may feel a little more personal. Any piece of furniture at the ideal hip height for the strap-on user can be used for this.

The Reverse Missionary Position is an additional option. Given the degree of flexibility needed, this one might be a little more complex because it could make your receiver feel exposed. Additionally, it somewhat increases the "center of attention" for the person wearing the strap-on harness. However, it leaves much room for grinding and control, which can be incredibly enjoyable!

Above all, understand that it just takes time and experimentation to obtain good, functional sex positions. You really must try things out! If you are still having trouble with it, you might want to buy a longer dildo for your harness. A longer toy may provide more sex positions and easier penetration.

The Harness Doesn't Fit Right - I Don't Feel Sexy

Oh, boo! During a sexual act, nobody wants to feel unattractive! It makes sense why you're experiencing some issues.

It might be in your thoughts first. This is an entirely different kind of "attractive" than you've ever seen! How frequently do media portrayals of women in positions of authority wear strap-on harnesses? In porn, it's even a niche! Putting your existing concept of "sexy" together and making it work with a strap-on harness and cock might be challenging.

Naturally, your thoughts are important, but asking your boyfriend to comfort you about your appearance while wearing a harness might be worthwhile. You could also take some seductive photos while wearing a harness and watch how he responds when you email him them. To feel more confident, consider wearing nicer underwear beneath the harness.

Buying a new harness is the next step if that doesn't work. While some people may not be able to afford high-quality strap-on harnesses, it may be worthwhile to save money to feel aroused and heated throughout this sexual activity.

Nowadays, manufacturers produce a wide range of harness kinds. For a better fit, try to avoid the less expensive ones. Some sultry-looking harnesses, especially those that resemble lingerie strap-on harnesses, are made by Spareparts in particular!

Again, if your harness isn't fitting correctly, you may need to buy a new one. Different body types respond differently to different harnesses. Specific harnesses will rest close to the hip bones and high on the hips. Others will rest from the pubic region in a straight line around the thighs. How you carry your weight and the shape of your body may determine which harnesses are most comfortable for you. When buying your harness, follow the manufacturer's minimum or maximum specifications, particularly if you have a larger or more petite frame.

In general, "one size fits most" harnesses terminate at approximately 42" hips if you're a larger individual. The Sportsheets Divine (up to 82" hips), the Sportssheets Sunset Lace Corsette (up to 72" hips), and the Sportssheets Pleather Harness (up to 72" hips) are some notable strap-on harnesses that fit all body sizes.

I Have Problems Putting on the Harness

It can be not easy, but in all honesty, things only get better with time.

However, to begin solving it, practice putting on the harness in private, away from your spouse, and not during intercourse. All of the straps can be adjusted to your preferred level. This covers the smaller ones as well as the straps that are below the butt. Now that everything is in order (and it's an excellent opportunity to snap pictures of yourself!), remove the harness by undoing one of the fasteners (typically the hip ones work best). Get into the harness, slide in the dildo, and secure that one buckle the next time you're ready to play. It fits perfectly!

But if you're still apprehensive about putting on your harness, think about doing it before you start having sex. Ultimately, it will be a huge surprise if you emerge from the restroom with the dildo ready to eat, hanging between your legs. What a beautiful image!

Investing in an easier-to-put-on harness is an additional option. Just like a typical pair of panties, panty-style strap-on harnesses can be slipped up the hips. The Spareparts Joque attaches to the body in a matter of seconds thanks to the magic of Velcro.

Remember that leather-made harnesses are typically the most intricate of all the harnesses available if you're experiencing problems with all the buckles and fasteners. Leather depends entirely on clasps and fasteners to get the ideal fit because it doesn't stretch. Compared to other options, this takes longer and is more challenging to put on, but it can produce a hot image when it's on.

Strap-On Play Does Nothing for Me Physically

This is another typical complaint among many people who use vulvas with straps. They want to peg with their partner because they like the sensation, but aren't receiving the necessary physical stimulation. This was also a significant issue before I discovered other ways to have fun.

Some research and experimentation may be required to determine the solution because the issue typically occurs in a few locations.

First, the harness might be the problem. Your body won't enjoy the sensation of the dildo's base rubbing against the clit with each thrust if the harness has the dildo positioned some distance from the clitoris. To fix this, place the dildo on top of the clit and find a strap on the harness that rides lower.

Second, the position itself can be the problem. The base of the dildo can be pushed and ground into the flesh more easily in specific postures. Try several postures to find a position where you can grind against the base of the dildo and still give your receiving spouse some pleasure.

Third, the dildo itself might be the cause. Specific sex toy bases will be too big or rounded to give the clitoris consistent stimulation. Consider attaching a dildo pleasure attachment, such as the BumpHer, Honeybunch, or Shagger, to the base of your dildo to assist in correcting this one. A dildo with an integrated base for clitoral pleasure, such as the Wet for Her Fusion, is another option.

Lastly, not everyone who grinds against their dildo succeeds. Adding vibrations can significantly increase the potential for enjoyment if that describes you. Check to see whether there are bullet vibrator compartments integrated into your strap-on harness. Additional vibrations can be added to give you a greater feeling by sliding a device like the Tango X into your harness strap. Consider using a dildo, Kegel balls, or a strapless strap-on like the Strap-on-Me Vibrating Bendable Strap-On toy to increase the level of stimulation during the act if you want internal stimulation. To add more vibrations, you might also think about using a vibrator like Wildflower's Enby.

Nevertheless, most people are still unlikely to experience an "effortless" orgasm from pegging. To get your body primed and ready to go, you might want to do a lot of foreplay beforehand.

The orgasm potential here can be balanced by finding sex positions that let you pleasure yourself. After choosing a sex position that doesn't involve using your hands, slightly relax your strap-on harness. You can now move your hips to peg your lover while still reaching your hand between your two bodies for enjoyment. Although it may require some practice, the opportunity to enjoy yourself may make the effort worthwhile!

Another option is to move the dildo completely to a different location from your clitoris. You may have strap-on sex and use your preferred wand vibrator (such as the LELO Smart Wand Medium) simultaneously when you use a thigh strap on your harness, since it leaves your entire vulva exposed for enjoyment. This is a fantastic method to guarantee that everyone experiences an orgasm.

You can also agree that pegging won't be physically exciting for you if you want. After you've done pegging your spouse, or even before, there are plenty of alternative methods to stop! If your spouse gets you off first, consider making him "earn" his pegging. Oral sex is one of the many intimate behaviors that people perform that don't always provide self-stimulation. Perhaps this will be another one for you two.