Making a Scene: How to Create the Hottest BDSM Encounters

Want to set up a sexy BDSM play encounter? Observe these guidelines.

You have your leather, your latex, your whips, your restraints, and your eagerly obedient... What comes next?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though. While equipment is vital, there are two things you must do before you can start any BDSM play scenario.

Consent, Consent, Consent

The first crucial step is having an explicit and unambiguous agreement to do whatever you and your playmate do together. It's even more vital to agree if you haven't played before. Work things out until they are completely clear, if there is any uncertainty or misunderstanding. If it's easier to put things in writing, do so. I am personally aware of numerous dominants that require their playmates to complete lengthy forms before they can take any action.

Don't play if the situation is still unclear. If one or both partners feel uncertain, there is nothing improper with calling off any plans. No problem is worth running the risk of causing bodily or emotional harm. Although it may sound cliche, the BDSM community holds the brilliant credo that it's always better to live to play another day.

The responsibility is reciprocal, by the way. The submissive should be forthright and explicit about the physical or emotional boundaries they know, even though it's not always feasible to predict what might trigger them. Indeed, everyone has them; claiming to have none is a dead giveaway that you are far too inexperienced to play.

We could go on and on about this, but one of the most crucial aspects of any scene is negotiation and permission. This is where you should always start.

Safety, Safety, Safety

Plan for the worst and hope for the best is the second BDSM maxim. This implies you should be prepared with the necessary tools if something goes wrong. A phone to call an ambulance in an emergency, emergency scissors if you are performing bondage, any essential medications, water to drink, a friend who will check in with you both to make sure everything went smoothly, and, most importantly, everyone's complete willingness to slow down or stop the scene entirely without hesitation.

Similar to consent, safety is the most crucial aspect of any scenario.

Therefore, we have all the necessary safety equipment, tools, toys, and explicit consent. What comes next? How can a dominant create a compelling scene?

Surprise Isn't Your Friend

It may surprise you to hear this, but surprising your partner is something you should avoid. Yes, I am aware. Where's the joy in that? I can listen to you. Or, more frequently, particularly for those present, "But my Dominant did this [unexpected thing] and it was hot, hot, hot."

To be clear, there is a significant distinction between a surprise that might be taken from an unexpected page and one that is off-the-books. To be more specific, let's say you have agreed to a caning after a flogging. The dom then lights a candle and drips the submissive with hot wax in between the caning and the flogging.

It would be a terrible surprise if the submissive did not indicate that this would be acceptable. Calling this a "bad surprise" is inaccurate because it verges on sexual assault.

It would be a pleasant surprise if the submissive stated throughout the negotiation that they would be amenable to this action, and if the dom obtained consent before moving forward. You get what I mean? You can be impulsive only in the context of previously discussed terms and obtaining consent before acting.

Putting Together a Composition

Knowing the notes to the piece you will perform is, to use a musical metaphor, a crucial component of setting a scene. This will be learned via experience, both in giving and receiving. Before doing something too complex, give yourself some time to study.

Therefore, keep it simple, particularly if you are playing with someone you are still getting to know or are relatively new to BDSM.

Although what a warm-up entails will always differ from person to person, it is generally considered a decent place to start. For example, suppose that our scene was once more negotiated to include a caning after a flogging. Warming up could be a low-intensity activity, such as flogging with a lighter toy. In this manner, the dom can sense the subordinate's physical responses, and the submissive can, in a sense, enter into the zone.

The severity can then gradually increase when the dom switches to a heavier toy. Checking in between toys or after a considerable amount of time is a fantastic idea and a must. You must continue to communicate in those ways. Call a break, speak with the sub, and then decide whether or not to continue if you are unsure.

Adding notes and melodies of sensation to your composition while keeping those unambiguous channels of communication open will allow you to learn more about your submissive and what additional tools and strategies you may use.

Letting Go of Expectations

Particularly for those who are new to BDSM, there is a tendency for them to meticulously arrange every aspect of the scenario, akin to a kinky invasion of Normandy.

The issue is that the scene might occasionally precede the play's subject. Because of this, the dom becomes dissatisfied or angry because things aren't working out as planned. Although you may have a general notion of what you want to do, be ready to change your mind or give up without feeling like you've damaged your pride.

Fantasies Aren't Reality

Although it may seem alluring for a dom to attempt to turn a submissive's fantasies into reality, doing so requires excellent communication skills and a great deal of experience, both as a dom and when playing with the subject.

There is a significant difference between, for instance, dreaming about being bound up in barbed wire and having it done in real life, even though your heart (and other body parts) may be in the right place.

If I'm starting to seem repetitive, I apologize, but discuss it before you try to fulfill your playmate's wishes. After all, there's a reason why such fantasies exist.

Aftercare

Never forget the aftermath, regardless of the scene you create. Although aftercare is not always required, it should be respected as essential to everyone's physical and mental safety. You must be honest with the person you are playing with if you are unable to supply it, as neglecting to provide necessary aftercare entirely is a significant contributing factor to emotional abuse.

Playing Your Composition

Using the metaphor of music once more, you have your instruments, your notes (a list of things your submissive may be willing to experience based on their mood, and what they never/want to happen), and your emergency exits all in plain view. It's time to start your performance now.

Though always within the parameters of agreement and communication, there is considerable leeway for improvisation. You both gave your permission and clarified what you wanted from the encounter. You are aware of the functions of your toys and know how to make them work together, going from light to heavy and possibly back again, before going further into heavier, and you have your aftercare planned out.

Indeed, a lot needs to be managed, a lot needs to be watched, and a lot can go wrong. It is to help you make things work out well and provide you with tools for when they don't; that is the purpose of education, experience, and contemplation.

Additionally, remember that creating a hot scene only has one primary objective: ensuring you both have a blast.