How Starring In Porn Saved My Life

Do you think all porn is nasty? Her involvement in the porn industry saved one woman's life.

My life was saved by porn. I know the odds are already against me when I say this. A person would say, "What a lie." He might say, "That's what she tells herself to make it all okay." She would laugh and say, "Definitely an exaggeration."

They would all be mistaken.

I'll acknowledge that the statement contradicts the widely held beliefs about the porn industry. It's not everyone's story, of course. However, it belongs to me.

This is the evidence. Here are five times that I was saved by porn—yes, porn.

Healthier Choices

Like many children raised in New York City, I was heavily involved in recreational drug usage during my adolescence and early twenties. Why we grow up in the city so quickly is difficult to explain. Perhaps it's the absence of sunlight. Maybe it's because everything is so easily accessible. Perhaps it's simply what we're supposed to do. In my opinion, I wasn't necessarily attempting to flee anything. Simply put, it was something to do. Since many of my pals were doing it, I followed suit.

I had always wanted to perform porn when I was younger. But New York City is not like my current home of Los Angeles. Not a single person in my immediate vicinity worked in the porn industry. Everyone in Los Angeles knows someone who is at least a distant cousin of a porn set lighting technician. That was not the case in NYC. My dream has always seemed like a distant nirvana. Like many children dream of being astronauts or superheroes, I dreamed of becoming a porn star.

A strange dude came up to me one day while I was high and strolling down the street. He said, "Are you interested in working in the adult entertainment industry?" I thought the universe had heard my prayers and sent this angel to fulfill my desires. This man appears to be radiating light from every pore in his body, with his image filtered through what I can only refer to as "Mexican soap opera lighting." He was a somewhat shady-looking man who rode a motorcycle, had a ponytail, and had missing front teeth. Naturally, I said "YES," and the very next day, I started working as a dominatrix after following him upstairs to a dungeon. I then advanced to stripping, where I got to know a genuine porn star who was on her feature dance tour. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could become a porn star in my own right.

I made a lifestyle change as soon as porn became a possibility. I became sober. I began working out. I kept an eye on my diet. I started sleeping when the sun was still setting and waking up when it was still rising. It was probably more overdue than anything else. I mentioned that I get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. It's difficult to say whether I would have done any of these things if it weren't for porn. I wanted to get healthier because I could do something I loved.

I Found an Outlet

Since I can remember, I have been a horny person. Even as a child, I masturbated more than I think is "normal," but I'm not sure where that came from. I was undoubtedly the most promiscuous person I knew before I started using porn. I had up to seven individuals on my rotation at one point, one for every day of the week. Getting gang-banged in real life is, well, difficult, so many of my fantasies stayed just that—fantasies. It's rarely a good idea to post an ad on Craigslist for gang bangers, and I wasn't about to ask my roster to do it. It would completely alter the dynamics of our relationship or relationships!

My hypersexuality now finds a safe outlet thanks to porn. I may indulge my exhibitionist tendencies while playing out my desires in a secure, supervised setting with knowledgeable, STD-tested specialists.

I Fell in Love

In what turned out to be my first double-penetration performance, my husband Toni and I met while performing on a porn set. Toni took me from behind when we first met, and I had another man's penis in my vagina. Then they switched. After saying, "Nice to meet you," this occurred within fifteen minutes.

I no longer think that love can be found at first sight. I do believe that some people have such intense sexual chemistry, though, that after having sex, you want to do it repeatedly for the rest of your life. When I first saw Toni, I felt like this. I eventually fell in love with him after asking for his number, and three years later, we were married. I've been in this relationship for five years, and it's the happiest and healthiest one yet. And it wouldn't have occurred if it weren't for porn.

I'm Paid

Contrary to popular belief, my initial motivation for entering the porn industry was not financial gain. I don't think it would be worth it if it were. If the main goal is the paycheck, porn doesn't pay nearly enough. "Would you do it if it were a regular, normal-paying job with no special benefits?" is a question I ask everybody who is thinking about a porn career. If they say no, I tell them this isn't the proper employment. Like a tattoo on my face, pornography will always be a part of me. Strangers I pass on the street have witnessed my most intimate moments. When my parents and I eat at a restaurant, other patrons are surprised to learn I am someone's daughter. Their friends' parents will get tired of letting their kids over for a playdate if I have kids of my own. After I quit porn, I would never be able to obtain much employment.

However, I've been fortunate enough that my pornographic "tattoo" has been worthwhile. Any amount of money, other experience, or any form of love would be worthless. I would be doing it if it were regular work with normal compensation and no extra benefits.

Nevertheless, the money is good. Porn has allowed me to travel the world, save funds, contribute to a retirement fund, purchase a home, live well, and be debt-free. I am aware of how fortunate I am to be able to pursue my passion and then be paid for it at the end of the day.

I'm Comfortable With Myself

I was in the fifth grade when I was dubbed a slut for the first time. I was having a sleepover at my friend Amy's house when she informed me, "Jimmy dumped you because he thought you were a slut." He claims you're a lost cause but wants to fix you.

We were in the fifth grade once more. The meaning of the word was utterly unknown to me. Of course, I checked the dictionary when I got home. It said this:

I couldn't understand.

I had a tidy room. I had just washed my clothes. Every morning before school, I took a shower. Was I unclean, too?

Another year would pass before I understood the word's whole meaning, and then a few more before dictionaries were revised to incorporate the (now more widely accepted) definition, which is A woman who is seen as sexually promiscuous.

I knew I should be offended, even if I didn't understand Jimmy's meaning. Jimmy was the only boy I had ever kissed at the time of his accusation. Only once, due to his best friend's challenge during a school field trip game of "Truth or Dare." It wasn't even French, so it wasn't exactly controversial.

In retrospect, Jimmy was also unaware of the word's significance. I'm curious as to what, if anything, had given this 11-year-old youngster the premonition. Did he have a sixth sense that I would adore sex as a child? We hardly understood what sex was, much less that having a lot of it was a bad thing.

What had caused him to say that?

Or perhaps the word meant more than simply sleeping. Maybe the term referred to the entirety of feminine sexuality. I was a little girl who was beginning to bleed. In addition to my physical changes, I was also starting to become more feminine in my personality. My girlfriends and I were becoming more outgoing at the same time as my breasts began to protrude, and we were switching from playing foursquare to chatting about boys at recess. I was a "girly girl," developing into a sexual being and attracting male attention—something that is so instinctive that it borders on animalistic. I had no idea what exactly that meant, but my harmless actions were enough to have young Jimmy label me "slutty." This is, incidentally, incredibly screwed up.

In addition to mind-blowing orgasms, the past eight years in this industry have given me the kind of sexual confidence that not all women are fortunate enough to have. I'm proud of what I've accomplished, which came to me gradually. I wish this sensation were the norm rather than the exception. Naturally, I'm not advocating that all women must engage in porn to achieve it. Still, I believe it has helped me become a better example of an emotionally stable woman who accepts her sexuality and shows that being a slut isn't always a negative trait. I believe that more of that is needed in the world.