Everything You Need to Know about Attending Your First BDSM Munch

The core of the kink community is made up of munches.

A little-discussed aspect of kink communities that facilitates the seamless operation of all other kink events is the munch. A munch is a social event typically hosted in public and intended to introduce new members to the group. The "munch" provides the foundation that makes these other gatherings safe, enjoyable play areas, even though it lacks some of the glitz and sexiness of the massive kink conferences or kinky play parties. It merits its turn in the spotlight because of that.

What's the purpose of a munch? Is it for hooking up?

The purpose of munches was never to find a quick "hook-up." They are the exact reverse of it.  In most groups, munches serve as the "first contact" between you and the group.  Some groups demand that you be permitted to attend any of their other events, including play parties. Munches are intended to be open, secure spaces where kinky people can meet new, prospective kinksters in the neighborhood.

Because of this, most munches are hosted in a safe location for *both* parties, in contrast to play parties or other private gatherings. This typically refers to a table at a public bowling alley, a conference room at a restaurant, or other public spaces.  A previously revealed plush animal or a particular, eye-catching tablecloth can subtly indicate the meal. These public areas were chosen with purpose. The goal of the BDSM group is to make you feel at ease when you meet up with a "kinky" group and to provide you with the opportunity to do so in a setting that is usual for you. Furthermore, this is just a typical get-together for casual talk, given the non-kinky setting.

The munch is not where to try to meet; please be kind. However, some kink groups will offer "kinky speed dating" or other events that may be open to you once you've attended some munches.

What does a BDSM group get out of hosting a munch?

But, you will be vetted by the BDSM organization. "Vetting is a straightforward procedure that enables the group to meet with you, determine that you are a stable, comfortable individual, and confirm that your goals are sound. Participants who would attend a play party to "out" others or try to feel someone up will typically be eliminated by the simple requirement of attending a munch. Try not to worry too much about the "vetting." You will not have any issues with the "vetting" procedure as long as you are kind and amiable. Typical, it resembles a typical non-kinky discourse.

Additionally, you quickly form friendships with this group as you attend more events and get to know them. Many kinksters in a group will go to munches to enjoy a fun time with their pals over lunch or dinner!

Why would I want to attend a BDSM munch?

The main reason why the majority of newcomers go to a munch is because it's a prerequisite for other kink events hosted by the BDSM group. The group wants to meet with you and make sure you won't cause trouble so they feel comfortable letting you into their private and possibly sexual settings. Therefore, you may need to go to a munch before you can attend a play party, kinky speed dating, or educational kink events.

In addition, some people look forward to munches since they're an excellent opportunity to meet other kinksters, form friendships, and discover a sense of belonging.  Munches are made especially for friendly conversation, unlike play parties and other gatherings where talking may not be a top priority. You might also get the opportunity to learn about a specific topic and how it impacts your local BDSM community through structured munches, which is always a great experience.

How do I find a local munch?

Finding one to attend is the next step after learning what a munch is. Local kink groups are the most convenient method to locate local munches. B t it might be difficult to even identify which kink groups to begin with. I suggest two things for that.

Check on Fetlife first.  Searching for your city's name and finding all the specific groups that call it home is comparatively simple. Seek out groups that have published in the last few months.  Please check their upcoming event or feast.  Finding a group to attend may require looking in some neighboring larger cities if you reside in a small town. A drive of an hour or two is not unheard of, depending on where you live!

Consider conducting a Google search if Fetlife isn't yielding the desired results. While most kink events now use Fetlife, some still have simple websites. For example, searching for "City name + State + BDSM" or "City name + State BDSM play party" on Google may provide results.

Are there any requirements to attend?

There are often no prerequisites to attend a munch except an age requirement, typically between 18 and 21. Putting too many limitations on the event itself is pointless because munches are meant to be safe places for newcomers to meet the existing community and for the established community to meet newcomers. You should have no trouble going to a neighborhood munch if you're decent and of legal age!

What happens at a BDSM munch?

Delicious food and stimulating chat—that's what most munches think! Unstructured groups with no topic or structured groups with a topic typically have one of two options.

Attending a structured munch will probably involve a roundtable conversation with a predetermined theme.  One of the group leaders will probably act as a moderator and choose individuals (by raising their hands to speak and express their thoughts. Structured munches are an easy and practical method to learn about the hobbies and interests of people in your community. Think of structured munches as an enormously amiable Fetlife topic. Everyone has an opportunity to speak up and respond to others. You may even add your voice! (And I advise you to!)

You will probably be attending an unstructured BDSM munch if there is no topic included in the listing or specifics. Chaos is not an unstructured munch.  This simple munch allows Everyone to enjoy their social life for an hour. You can talk to people anywhere and whenever you choose; they will probably talk to you, too.  An unstructured munch is much like a vast, 20-person dinner with friends.

There might be food included, depending on where the BDSM munch is held.  Most events will require you to buy your food, if any. You can place a light order or none at all.  In my experience, having a drink to sip or a food to gnaw on makes me feel more at ease in unfamiliar situations. However, you are free to choose not to buy any food.

What should I wear?

Since munches take place in non-kinky or vanilla settings, you should wear appropriate clothing. There's no reason to go all out (like for a first date), but you might decide to dress up a bit (as you would for a meal with a friend you haven't seen in months). No matter how much you decide to dress up, keep in mind that you will be in non-kinky places, so make sure to wear non-kinky clothing.

How should I behave?

As you would at any other social event, you should act accordingly. You shouldn't act any differently just because someone is kinky.

This entails being courteous to us, showing respect, and participating in discussions when appropriate (and when you feel comfortable!). You won't be the first person to speak up in BDSM communities because most organizations are accustomed to new members being bashful and uneasy. Many individuals are anxious when discussing boring subjects, especially in gatherings where everyone is there for a single, kinky interest. You should anticipate that a few group leaders will try to get you to join the group or chat.

What should I bring with me?

You should bring the cash you'll need to buy drinks or food. Remember to give your wait staff a respectable tip. You may get a friend or two for support if you'd like, as most munches are also accessible to other possible kinksters.

However, don't bring any kink or sex toys. Unless the munch topic says so, they are often unwelcome at munches.  This is a place for excellent conversation, not for play.

What will we talk about?

Those who have never been to a munch may find this one frightening. Will people question you about your kinks? Is it essentially going to be in-person cybersex?

I hate to break your bubble, but munch chats will be simple, everyday discussions, perhaps without the pressure to avoid "taboo" subjects. Keep in mind that many munch-goers are also pals.  Standard conversations about friendship will, therefore, change.  You might anticipate hearing about the progress of someone's auto restoration, or you might interrupt someone to discuss video games.  Perhaps the newest restaurant in town will be addressed. There may be discussions about the health of someone's grandmother.  Additionally, you might overhear discussions about the progress of someone's slave training or jokes about how harshly someone spanks. You might appreciate hearing "vanilla" discourse with a few kinky tidbits.

You may hear announcements or conversations about upcoming play parties or other events because BDSM group leaders frequently use munches as a social area where many of their members are already assembled. But this is healthy for you! If interested, don't hesitate to put the event on your calendar!

What happens after the munch?

Did you have a satisfying munch?  Do you want to hang out with other kinksters who share your interests more often? If so, your following action may be to look for further events. The rules of the organization will determine what happens next.  While some groups may demand two or three munches, others require one before allowing you to attend any other group-sponsored vent. Consult the group's regulations and make appropriate plans.  Perhaps it's time for you to attend your very first play party!

Consider looking for another organization in the neighborhood if you genuinely don't like the individuals there. Make sure, though, that you're giving folks an opportunity.  Being in a new environment might make it easy to feel anxious and dismiss others; my introverted side is ready to do this to others.  Try one more munch; if it doesn't work, you might want to look into another local club.