A Beginner's Guide to Submission

It can be exciting to imagine being commanded, slapped, and generally forced to engage in sexual activity. But for those who haven't done it themselves, the issue is, where do I begin?

A person who voluntarily cedes control to another, usually in order to satiate a sexual desire, is known as a submissive. It's likely that the idea of giving up power to someone else has aroused your curiosity or maybe sparked your sexual urges if you're reading this. Consider yourself strange.

You're not strange, so don't worry. Not at all. Actually, one of the most prevalent sexual fantasies is becoming sexually subservient. Simply

Check out these Kinsey Institute statistics.

• Five to ten percent of Americans occasionally indulge in sadistic/masochistic (S/M) behaviors for sex.
• A romantic reaction to an S/M story was expressed by 22% of males and 12% of women.
• Fifty percent of men and fifty percent of women said they had reacted erotically to being bitten.
• Eleven percent of women and fourteen percent of males report having some sadomasochistic sexual encounter.
• 17% of women and 11% of men said they have tried bondage.

The idea of being spanked, bullied, and generally forced to engage in sexual activity might sound exciting to a lot of individuals. For those who haven't done it yet, the question is where to begin. What do you actually need to know in order to be a submissive person? Here are some actions you can take.

Educate Yourself

Deciding to become submissive is not something that should be done lightly. Learn everything there is to know about submission before you decide to jump in and leave yourself to the mercy of another.

First, there are several extremely helpful online communities that serve both newcomers and experts, and great books have been produced about submission and dominance. ("The Ultimate Guide to Kink" by Tristan Taormino offers a knowledgeable examination of the subject, while Jay Wiseman's "SM 101" offers the foundations of secure, rational S/M.)

Attending a "munch" is an additional method of gaining insight into what it's like to become submissive. For those interested in the dominant/submissive lifestyle, a "munch"—short for "burger munch"—is a laid-back social event. Attending these events can help you connect with seasoned people and learn more about the way of life.

Determine If You're Really the Submissive Type

It should come as no surprise that truly submissives usually exhibit submissive conduct naturally. However, how can one determine whether they are genuinely submissive?

True submissives typically want to satisfy someone in a position of power, and they may even become aroused by the prospect of being subjugated or humiliated. Please don't assume, however, that all submissives devote their lives to caving into the demands of others. Some submissives are people who hold genuinely powerful positions and occasionally want a break from their duties. However, being a submissive is probably not for you if you find other people's submission annoying. Instead, you can consider becoming a switch, which is a person who engages in BDSM as both a dominant and a submissive.

Lastly, honestly question yourself why you wish to adopt a subservient role. Is it because you genuinely like the thought of giving up control to someone in a position of authority? Or is it your partner's attempt to control you? Keep in mind that relationships between dominants and submissives must always be voluntary. Avoid becoming submissive if you feel under pressure to do so.

Determine Your Level of Submission

A few distinct levels of submission and dominance exist. For example, some people use submission and dominance to spice up their sexual lives. This usually involves occasional fantasy role-playing in the bedroom, along with bondage, light spanking, or dirty talk.

The submissive lifestyle becomes a much more significant part of the lives of part-time submissives, who may become submissive during specific moments, like sex or when they visit a BDSM club, and who will frequently spend money on clothes and other accessories, but who typically don't allow their role to take precedence over different aspects of their lives.

In contrast, full-time submissives are typically the most ardent participants in the BDSM game; they may even be seeking a full-time dominant/submissive relationship, giving up all control to their dominant in most, if not all, aspects of their lives; many of these relationships also entail signed contracts; they are somewhat similar to marriage, though, of course, most modern marriages have a far more minor power imbalance.

Starting small and working your way up is usually the most excellent approach when it comes to dominance and submission, as is the case with anything in life. For example, you should engage in some fantasy role-playing before surrendering to a full-time dominating.

Know Your Limits

If you were caned, would you rather cower in the corner? Do handcuffs and spreader bars make you feel more irritated? As you explore the realm of submission and domination, you will undoubtedly encounter numerous situations that challenge your comfort level. We are referring to the things that make you say, "Yikes!" However, do not let these things deter you from submitting altogether. Remember that just because someone else likes something doesn't mean you have to. Keep your distance, and don't back down!

Communicate

Any relationship benefits from communication, but in a dominant/submissive relationship, it is crucial. This is not the time to be bashful; if you find it challenging to discuss your deepest sexual wants and turn-offs, it can seriously compromise your safety and the quality of your interactions. You must be able and willing to speak honestly with your partner or partners as a submissive in order to make sure that all sex is genuinely consented.

You should discuss your needs, desires, and sexual fantasies with your partners before a scene or relationship starts. Communicating your limitations and turn-offs to your partners is just as crucial, though. Establish boundaries and communicate your limits as soon as you can.

Put Safety First

"Safe, sane, and consensual" has become a sort of catchphrase for the BDSM community and BDSM play in recent years. Safety needs to be your top priority whether you're new to BDSM play or an experienced veteran already.

To be clear, any BDSM practice involves some risk of danger or potential harm, regardless of whether you're flogging someone or subjecting them to some other delectable form of torment. Before starting any BDSM play, always set a safeword and take the time to understand how to handle any toys and props correctly and safely. Without asking, a submissive can use this straightforward word or phrase to halt or slow down a session at any time. Naturally, as they are frequently employed to increase the tension in a scene, words like "stop" and "no" should also be avoided when selecting a safe word.

Distinguish Fantasy from Reality

Being able to tell the difference between imagination and reality is essential if you're prepared to enter a dominant/submissive relationship. You and your dominant should remember that role-playing is simply that—playing—unless you have another arrangement.

Retain your dignity, and don't let your dominant's words or behavior affect you. However, keep in mind that your dominant will assume that you are happy with the way your relationship is going if you don't talk to them. Of course, you should respect yourself enough to terminate the relationship if your partner doesn't respect you enough to stop going beyond your boundaries.

Cultivate Patience

Don't expect to be able to declare oneself a submissive after reading a few things online. You will not suddenly become obedient, no matter how willing you are to learn and try new things. A lot of patience and time is needed to become a true submissive. Indeed, a formal "training" process that can last months or even years may be required of many submissives.

Additionally, enjoy yourself if you choose to start this new chapter in your life. In the future, you might decide to put it behind you, or it might become a significant aspect of your identity. In any case, make the most of the experience and learn as much as you can!